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Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?


Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? !


Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?


Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?


Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?




Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?


Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?


Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?


Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?


If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?


Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?


Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?


Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?


Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?



Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?


How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?


When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"


Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?


In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?


How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?



And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
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When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
and the winner is...
 

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How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?


Cause the father in laws died long ago from listening to the incessant harping and ceaseless ramblings of the estrogen imbalanced spawn of Satan he married so long ago at a time when she used to give him some pretty damn high quality head on a regular basis. It was all a trick, a cheap ruse, and it keeps working on guys to this day!:( :(
 

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Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?


Each helment held two 'bomber' doobies, a lighter and a flask of saki. You think they went on their mission sober?
 

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Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?


In my case, I'm just plain pissed.
 

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That's nacho cheese!
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17,707 Posts
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?


Too much alcohol.
 

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How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

Bugs are really aliens from the planet Vag. They transport their dead into light fixtures because to them, light fixtures are like the little shrines they use back home. They are kinda sentimental.
 

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Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

Wrong end.
 

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If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?


Like it or not, we are their pets.
 

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Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Carl Sagan started that shiit a long time ago. He is as dead as a bag of burning dog crap on your neighbors porch, so it is now a point rendered moot.
 

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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Call me Mr. Quatro.
 

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Sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of bed:eek:
 

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I'm not upset, amigo. It's just when I read all that funny stuff sixxy put down, all these little trinkets came into my mind and I had to get them out before I would be forced to open another cheap Novelty Shope in this town of mine.
 
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