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:surprise:
 

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That's nacho cheese!
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Muslim Book Store

So, I was walking downtown and I saw that there was a Muslim Book Store. I was wondering what exactly was in a Muslim book store, so I went in.


As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk gave me the stink eye but asked if he could help me. I know I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?

The clerk said, Kiss my ass, get out, and stay out!

I said, Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?


In my email this morning.
 

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That's nacho cheese!
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A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $100 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a Uber driver, and the fare back to town is $125..."
 

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A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $100 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl. "Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a Uber driver, and the fare back to town is $125..."
Haha, he did pay her to get out. So technically... >:)
 

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A 3month gap on the funnies?! What has happened here?!
 

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Why did god give women two lips?
So they can piss and moan at the same time.

Why don't witches wear underwear?
Better grip.

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here
and you would spend only $150"?
The man replied,"Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.


A London Solicitor parked his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out of the car, a truck came speeding along too close to the kerb and took off the door before zooming off.
More than a little distraught, the Solicitor grabbed his mobile and called the police.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the man started screaming hysterically:
"My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. No matter how long it's at the panel beaters, it'll simply never be the same again !"
After the man finally finished his rant, the policeman shook his head in disgust.

"I can't believe how materialistic you bloody Solicitors are." he said. "You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't
Notice anything else in your life."

"How can you say such a thing at a time like this ?" sobbed the Porsche owner.

The policeman replied: "Didn't you realise that your arm was torn off when the truck hit you ?"

The Solicitor looked down in horror. "F***ing hell !" he screamed. "Where's my Rolex ????"
 
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