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TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER: Cindy, why ar e you doing your math
multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
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TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: George!
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TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
same day, same time."
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TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down
his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing
it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."
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TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say
prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
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TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
I work with teachers, this is more true than you might think. THEY NEVER SHUT UP!!! Nice people, for the most part, but man they talk too much.
 

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That's nacho cheese!
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Hey, that's some good stuff, advo!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the uplift today.:)
 

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Power 2 the pedal
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10,093 Posts
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

This one cracked me up! Thanks.
 

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I am BATMAN!!!
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4,660 Posts
Funny stuff, and way to true, the things kids say sometimes are the funniest--Unless of course its when they repeat the swear word you accidentally spit out in front of em to their Mom
 

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Wookie
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7,274 Posts
I remember one time being with a group of people and one girl there had darker hair on her upper lip(not like, gross, but the "norm" if you will) And my friends 2 year old brother says to my friend, "Shawn, why does she have a mustache??" Talk about awkward...
 

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I am BATMAN!!!
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4,660 Posts
You guys will think I am hick for this one, but hey I do live in ND.

Anyways, when my son was about three, I was at my Dads ranch helping move some cattle. I was horseback, and had my son sitting in front of me, just easing around. Well got 49 out of 50 of em in, couldnt get this one in, being a real b*tch for about 20 minutes. So I took my son over and gave him to dad so I could really go after her. My dad takes my boy, and I rode off, Dad says "was that cow being naughty" My son nods his head and replies, "Yeah, that c**ksucker"---My dad loves to tell this one, but I am pretty sure I learned my first swearword from him too, had something to do with an outboard boat engine.....
 

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justintyme73 said:
You guys will think I am hick for this one, but hey I do live in ND.

Anyways, when my son was about three, I was at my Dads ranch helping move some cattle. I was horseback, and had my son sitting in front of me, just easing around. Well got 49 out of 50 of em in, couldnt get this one in, being a real b*tch for about 20 minutes. So I took my son over and gave him to dad so I could really go after her. My dad takes my boy, and I rode off, Dad says "was that cow being naughty" My son nods his head and replies, "Yeah, that c**ksucker"---My dad loves to tell this one, but I am pretty sure I learned my first swearword from him too, had something to do with an outboard boat engine.....

Now that's more like the little Johnny jokes that I've heard. LOL
 

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Quitting is for Quitters!
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1,798 Posts
Well i got one. Its not really a joke and it wasn't too funny to me. Its actually ia little embarassing but oh well, its one of those kid things.

Anyone remember that show that was on a while back called "the Swan" It was a show where they took these girls that were not the prettiest things in the world and totally made them over. Well i used to watch it and my son would sit and watch it once in a blue moon (he was about 4 or 5 he'll be 7 in Sept.

Any ways, we are sitting there and my neighbor happened to be over watching it as well, my son just looks over at me and says " mommy you should go on the swan" so I say jeeez Andrew are you trying to say mommy is ugly? and he says no way mommy, your beautiful.... but if you go on there you could get your boobies like you want and maybe you could ask them to make your butt not be huge. My neighbor just busted out laughing.
 
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