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I----- SOCIAL SECURITY SEX

Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security
sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I
get a little each month, but not enough to live
on!"


II ----- LOUD SEX

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've
got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in
bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this
ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely
natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me
up!"

III ----- QUIET SEX

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right
out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking,
"How come you never tell me when you have an
orgasm. She looked at him casually and replied,
"You're never home!"


IV ----- CONFOUNDED SEX

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood"
was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor
assured him that modern medicine could give him
back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't
cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for
"small," $6,500 for "medium," and $14,000 for
"large." The man was sure he would want a medium
or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over
with his wife before he made any decision The man
called his wife on the phone and explained their
options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the
man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of
you decided?" asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the
kitchen".

V ------ WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the
day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband

yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone

that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you
a headstone that reads: Here Lies My Husband -

Stiff At Last.'


VI --- NO SEX

My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and
said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was
right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted
it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.


VII ---- OLD SEX

One night an 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo
to find her 92 yr. old husband in bed with another
woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him
off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living
apartment...killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on a charge of murder.The
judge asked her if she had anything to say in her
defense.
She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that
at 92, if he could have sex..... he could fly.
 
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