Pre Harley Ride Check Off Sheet - Wrist Twisters
 
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post #1 of 12 Old 10-21-2009, 07:08 AM Thread Starter
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Pre Harley Ride Check Off Sheet

Harley rider pre-ride check off list:
1. Comb baseball player goatee and mustache
2. Spend 6- hours polishing gaudy chrome pieces. Be sure people can read the �Live to ride�ride to live� statement on gas tank lid.
3. Assure suspension can handle at least 560 pounds of rider
4. Pack cell phone and have tow service numbers programmed.
5. Look in mirror and perfect the �I�m a bad ass motherfucker� harley riding scowl.
6. Affix tassels from daughters bicycle to handle bars for added gay appearance.
7. Test flashers for when bike breaks down (99% probability)
8. Put on your wrist brace to help carpal tunnel from all of the unnecessary revving
9. Leather pants
10. Gloves
11. Wrap around sunglasses
12. Skull cap (German soldier type for the real badasses). Remember to think about the SAFETY aspect/argument of loud pipes as putting that potato chip on head. The real tough guys here will wear a bandana over their face (some with a skull) to look really scary----ooooh!
13. CAT work boots (new)
14. Leather vest with some �chapter� like: North chapter of pig fucking obese attention whore douche bags with fat ugly loud mouth wives.
15. HD t-shirt (of course). Because everyone needs to know what shop you paid $40 for a $5 hanes shirt at.
16. Remove baffles from pipes so EVERYONE can hear you going 18mph in 2nd gear at redline. Note: Most HD break down before hitting 2nd gear.
17. Starbucks gift card: This is usually your hangout--------------how tough.
18. Call friends with similar ridiculous motorcycle (WW2 outdated technology garbage) and pathetic store bought image (gay pirate from the Castro) attire. Have them ATTEMPT to meet you at the starbucks without breaking down or crashing due to being distracted from looking at themselves in their chrome.
19. Five packs of Marlboro reds to smoke while riding to look extra cool
20. Slam a 6 pack of Zima prior to ride.
21. Saddle bags attached to pick up and store broken parts that fall off bike as you ride/push (if you can call it riding without laughing) that hunk of shit down the road.

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post #2 of 12 Old 10-21-2009, 07:59 AM
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post #3 of 12 Old 10-21-2009, 08:12 AM
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post #4 of 12 Old 10-21-2009, 08:20 AM
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That's great!

..

22. Hire a truck driver with a trailer to follow you. Don't worry he can keep up.

23. Wake up everyone early at the apartment, warming it up for forty minutes with the non-baffled exhaust aimed at their windows. They all love you.

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post #5 of 12 Old 10-21-2009, 09:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swimdog View Post

20. Slam a 6 pack of Zima prior to ride.


ZIMA??? C'mon man, get your facts straight. If you're headed out on your freedom ride you can't be drinkin' that stuff... ZIMA is for p*##ies. Budweiser man, BUDWEISER... the cans are red, white & blue!!! You can't get any more patriotic than gettin' sh*tfaced on American beer before you go peelin' off on yer American-made bike. If you ain't buying American, then you might as well be speakin' Japanese 'er Spanish, & if you can't speak English then get the f**k out!!!

woohoo... FREEBIRD!!!


Abba Zaba, you my only friend.
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post #6 of 12 Old 10-21-2009, 10:50 AM
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I think Bud was bought by an Austrian company recently?

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post #7 of 12 Old 10-21-2009, 12:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hawkeze View Post
I think Bud was bought by an Austrian company recently?
Now that you mention it, I think I do remember something about that... I don't drink the stuff personally, I'm a bit of a beer snob I guess.

I hope that no one takes me seriously by my previous post.
Have you ever taken all the stereotypical characteristics that you assume a person fitting a certain profile might have,
and then projected those characteristics on yourself & then spoke as though you were one of those people?

....that's what that was.

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post #8 of 12 Old 10-21-2009, 02:15 PM
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zima ha! +1

Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.
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post #9 of 12 Old 10-21-2009, 03:20 PM
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Laughed the hardest when I hit 14.

12 is for sure the most ironic.

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post #10 of 12 Old 10-21-2009, 06:51 PM
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Being stuck in the midwest I am forced to ride with friends who ride......"Harleys". Found a footrest part the other day (Middle of road) on the only two "Twisties" within 15 miles. The part is stamped Harley. I have now run out of friends to show it to and ask "Is this yours?"

Now to be sure and check all my nuts and bolts on the 9 1 9.

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post #11 of 12 Old 10-21-2009, 07:03 PM
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I would like to see a similar list for Ducati. I'm sure latte's would be part of it, along with poorly fitting Italian clothing.

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post #12 of 12 Old 10-21-2009, 07:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sike View Post
I would like to see a similar list for Ducati. I'm sure latte's would be part of it, along with poorly fitting Italian clothing.
and cigarettes.



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