Don't sweat it. Once again, you have been given plenty of time to think about it.
Take care of your family & yourself. Let time decide on how the future will unfold.
Bike or no bike, time will tell.
I have been in the "end of life" situation a couple of times. One time as close as 20 min from death.
A couple of crashes that made me put life in a new perspective.
I even took a 5 year hiatus from riding when my daughter was born.
My last crash,where I crushed my L1, I was in a torso brace for two months.
During that time I was rebuilding & prepping my Off Road Bike for when I could get back on it.
I'm riding, Road & Off Road, & loving every minute of it.
I just keep in mind what is back home or back at camp waiting for me & that dictates how I ride & the decisions I make while I'm out there.
See....All is not lost.